022: Death’s invitation to become who we’re meant to be with Dan Allender

The death of a loved one forces us to count what really matters to us. It also invites us to become who we were meant to be. In this episode, Dan Allender shares about engaging boldly with his father months before his death opening the door to the desires of his own heart as a son. Dan serves as the founding President and Professor of Counseling at The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology in Seattle, Washington. Dan is also a founding member of The Allender Center, a place that specializes in training pastors, therapists, group leaders, lay counselors, and community and business leaders to understand their own stories in order to more deeply enter the lives of those they are called to love and serve. Dan travels and speaks extensively to present his unique perspective on sexual abuse recovery, love and forgiveness, leadership, Sabbath, and other related topics.


Join us this week as we discuss:

  • Transitions that call us to become who we are meant to be
  • Exhausting labor doesn’t mean you make money
  • Transition from favorable to hostile is only minor league
  • You’re going to die, and I don’t know who you are
  • Making use of prior trauma and not giving up
  • In my weaknesses, that is where I bare my strengths
  • The courage of truth
  • If it’s what your heart desires, then there is always something more you can bring
  • Wounds are the realm of over-compensation; strengths arise out of brokenness
  • Leaning into the disruption
  • To create good means you bear both death and resurrection
  • Embracing desire is the realm of foolishness
  • “Extremity introduces you to who you are.”
  • Who and what do you want to become
  • You can be afraid, but dread no moment

Recommended Resources:

To learn more about Dan Allender and his work in the world, visit theallendercenter.org.

Here is a list of some of Dan’s most well known books:

The Wounded Heart

The Healing Path

How Children Raise Parents

The Intimate Mystery

Intimate Allies

To Be Told

Breaking the Idols of your Heart

Leading with a Limp


God Loves Sex


The Allender Center Podcast

The Allender Center

The Seattle School


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